Happy new year!

Starting the year at 107.7kg, this time last year I was well over 120kg, and in September I was 131kg!

Bring on the update I post this time next year, where I celebrate being a 70's girl!

Almost double figures...

8kg to go, and that goal has never been more within my reach! So close, I can taste it! Would love to be in double figures by Coops birthday!

More weight gone!!!

113.6kg! Its actually happening! I knew this surgery would be successful, but I'm overwhelmed with doubt. Doubt it wont work, and ill be obese forever.

In September, I was 131kg! I need to remind myself of this. Ive come a ling way, bit cant help but look forward to how far I have to go.

More weight gone!

113.6kg! I'm not sure what I was last week.

Ive been walking at least 10,000 steps every day, and walk a lap of

OMG I LOST WEIGHT!!!!

It's been so long! I haven't had a loss for nearly a month!

Today, I'm 115kg even! A loss of 16kg since the start of September! I feel like crying!

Another week, another zero loss.

Getting very frustrated with this. Might have to step it up this week, see if I can break the drought.

No loss this week.

Week 4 on Wednesday, and I'm at 117kg even. I'm beginning to become more conscious of what I eat, and I'm exercising.

Time to use this sleeve to its full potential!

Forgot to blog!

Numbers are still heading in the right direction, which I'm thankful every day for.

Toothache!

Nooooooo!

I can handle most pain with a bit of poise, but toothaches turn me into a child. I just can't handle them!

Weekly weigh in from now on...

This time last week I was 126kg being admitted to hospital. Now I'm 120.7kg. Amazing!

God, what a horrible day.

The worst by far.

Have been on the verge on throwing up all day, struggling to get anything down, nothing made me feel better. At one point I was in bed sobbing, regretting my decision.

I just have to remember, take this journey one day at a time. Who knows what tomorrow holds, right?

Be warned - TMI coming up!

I'm pooping for the first time in 7 days, and funnily enough, my tummy cramps have gone - yay!!!

Nearly 10kg!!

I've nearly lost 10kg since the 5th of September! That almost makes the pain I'm in worth it....almost.

I lost 3kg in hospital!

Yep, true story!

The night before I went in I was 126.5kg, and just getting home now I'm 123.5kg!

A total of 6.4kg gone for good!

Clear fluids isn't wrong!

They've labelled it "broth", but it's flavored water lol.

Sustagen is nice and cooling on my throat. Avoiding the juices due to acidity levels. Last thing I need is heartburn!

Wound drain is out!

4 lap sites freshly dressed, ready for discharge tomorrow! I'd love another day here, am enjoying the break, but need to get back to it I guess!

End of day 2...

And feeling pretty good.

Managed the leak test fine after a second go.

Kids came in tonight. Was good to see them. Darcy loved my ice cream and jelly, then pinched my Telly lol.

I made it - I'm sleeved!!

Hi girls,

Well, it's official! I'm sleeved! 2 years in the making, and just like that, I'm sleeved!

I have 4 lap sites, one with a drain. Sipping on apple juice and water, and can feel I'm full of gas every time I do. Gotta do some kind of drink test today to see if there's any leaks which will be interesting lol.

Good luck to those being sleeved in the next few days!

No turning back now!

I'm here, ready to go in. I'm absolutely terrified. But excited for the future.

Missing my children like crazy! Poor Darcy had her meltdown last night, scared about surgery. I had to hold it together, and not let her see I'm just as scared. I waited until I got home to have a little cry lol.

Catch you on the flip side xx

In other news...

I lost my shit last night.

I sobbed in bed for an hour. What the hell am I doing?!? If there's any risk I could never see my children again, then why am I doing this?!?

I know I'll be fine, and having a 2 hour chat to a mate about his sex life had me in stitches and helped me forget!

Roll on Wednesday!

125.7kg!!!!!!

Yes! It keeps going down!!!

I'm so excited for the future! I life of being healthy, being thinner, and enjoying life, not from the outside, but by getting in there and living it!

I officially have 50 kg to lose to be at my dream weight - 75kg. I'd like to think I could be there by this te next year, but we'll see...

126.5kg!!

It's official, a 5kg loss!!!!

OMG!!!!!!

I weighed 131kg last time I saw the Dr. I'm so freaking happy!!!!

This time next week...

My bags will be packed. There will be no turning back. I'll hardly sleep. So excited, but so scared. Everything changes, this time next week.

R.I.P to the girl you used to see, her days are over.

127.5kg

Still moving in the right direction! This is the motivation I needed! Woo!!

128.6kg

Wow! I didn't expect a loss like that! I'm weighing myself daily. I need the motivation, especially while on Optislim.

I wonder what tomorrow morning will bring?

129.9kg

Under 130kg. It's a start, right?

Tea time is my struggle time. Kids had bangers and mash, while I had a shake that made me gag. I've been smelling a roast cooking for nearly 4 hours, and am getting dizzy every afternoon.

12 more days, 12 more days..

Optifast time.

Surgery is only 14 days away, so today I started Optifast. Trying to stay positive, but it's going to be hard!

Grieving food.

I start my 14 days of a liquid diet on September 5th, and I find myself almost grieving food I know I'll never be able to put away, thinks like:

* A Hogs Breath steak and veggies.
* A pot n Parma from my local.
* A huge plate of Chinese.
*A foot long from Subway.
* A greasy kebab.

Lol.

I find myself wanting to get all these foods in before 05/09.

Is this completely normal?

Barium swallow.

So, had my barium swallow yesterday. My goodness, that shot was absolutely feral! With every mouthful (there were 10 of them!) I gagged, and it came back up! I had to force it down though, while holding back the tears.

Also, I have my date: MY BIRTHDAY!!!! Weeeeeeeee!!!!!!

Date day!

I've seen the dietician, who estimates 80kg by Christmas. I'm seeing it as a challenge, and am gonna smash out 75kg by NYE, which is 60 FUCKING KILOS AWAY!

Date day tomorrow, along with barium swallow!

Gastroscopy DONE!

Well THAT was one of the weirdest things I've ever done!

I remember lying on the bed talking about tattoos, then waking up in recovery.

Seeing the dietician today, back to Patrick Monday, and barium swallow next Thursday!

It's all moving in the right direction!

This wonderful man...

is going to help me change my life.

This is Dr Patrick Moore, my bariatric surgeon. He's going to help bring out the girl I know is hiding under 60kg of body weight, the girl ready to start living.

I met with him last Friday for my initial appointment, and he pencilled me in for a Gastroscopy for....TOMORROW!

Slightly nervous, will come back and report in tomorrow night. No eating or drinking now 'till around 3pm tomorrow.

Wish me luck!!

God, what a fat failure I am.

So, here it is, 2012. What do you think I weigh? Yup, I weigh over 130kg. I'm having gastric surgery. I can't do this anymore :(